The Problem with Being ‘Authentic’ Online
Saying you're authentic is like going on a dating app and bragging you're funny — or kind. Don’t tell me. Show me. (Well, not me literally — I go on one date a year, and I’ve already hit my quota.)
The very act of saying something often makes it feel... not that. “I’m cool!” (No.) “I’m kind!” (Stop.) “I’m young!” (Won't even go there.)
And that’s the problem with the whole idea of “sharing your authentic self” online. The moment you consciously present something as authentic, it becomes performative. True authenticity doesn’t need a caption because it simply exists. I’m actually seeing more and more real people on social talk about authenticity while influencers… Influence.
Things that are actually authentic? Chatting with a stranger in the grocery store. Feeling left out when the moms at summer camp all know each other and you suddenly feel like an (adult) loser and refuse to check your phone but rather act contemplative when you're silently contemplating why they suck(!) And, of course, watching your daughter and her best friend chat and giggle by the pool while you smile wistfully (Authentic — but also terrifyingly close to a live/laugh/love moment.)
And if you've read this far you might also think: Why said asshole, do you get to decide what's authentic? I don’t. But also, I do. I spend my entire work life judging what's authentic and inauthentic (and then, of course, which version of each performs the best/worst and will convert to sales). For me, after so many years of working in this space, many hours spent on instagram (many… TOO MANY) I just know when something feels real, it is. And those are the people who show themselves and who they are without having to announce they are authentic.
What feels less authentic? Cracking open your internal diary and posting it under the thin veil of “being real.” Every time I read a manifestation book about finding your soulmate (only on my Kindle, so I don’t embarrass my child or myself), I think about this tension: What is it to be authentic? Is it my curly hair? The horrible hat I wear to make my Mom annoyed. Sensible shoes? When you're not presenting through a mirror of social media you really just sit with who you are in the quiet moments.
Is my authentic self kind — or just kinda an asshole? Maybe it’s all of that, and then some.